my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
