My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
