SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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