she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this just has baby written all over it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
