I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
