i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize