i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
FUCK WHALES
Randomize