you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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