i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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