I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
