I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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