Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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