Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
