I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
