You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
