you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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