I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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