why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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