hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
