You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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