She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
