I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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