Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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