i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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