WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
