I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
