i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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