Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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