you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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