I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
