we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
