In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
