i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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