forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
accomplished twins. life is a go
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
