Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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