Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
