Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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