Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dicks are not precious.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
