your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
