so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
