I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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