when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
