Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
