This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
