it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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