can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
