32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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