Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Randomize
