eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
