We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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