chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
