my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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