shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
