Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
