Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
