I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
