Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
