our cab driver is having phone sex.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You are a genius and a whore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
