I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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