I intend to get homeless drunk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
