The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize