The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
