I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
