First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
