One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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