Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
