I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there's paper in my vomit.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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