We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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