Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
