I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
