You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Two words: blizzard sex
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
