I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
