oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
